10 Sex Therapy Myths

There’s a lot of misinformation out there about what sex therapy is. Freud was considered as a form of sex therapist, however, sex therapy as a stand-alone field didn’t occur until the 1960s when Johnson and Masters started developing therapeutic techniques couples could use to enhance their intimate lives. Before then, there were sex manuals and advice shared often through religious institutions, although many were far from being therapeutic and followed a conversion model.

When clients attend their sessions I am regularly made aware of preconceptions they have about what sex therapy is. Many of these sex therapy myths come from social learning such as through the media. Don’t get me wrong, the media can be a great way to learn things, sometimes it isn’t always as informed as it should be.

Here are the top ten sex therapy myths I hear regularly in the therapy room.

Top Ten Sex Therapy Myths

• Myth: You can only have sex therapy if you are in a couple.

Many people explore sex therapy, including individuals. Sex therapy is for anyone who is looking to learn more about their sexuality or intimate lives. You can be single whilst exploring sex therapy, and many people explore sex therapy to tackle sexual trauma or even sexual shame that may be affecting their solo sex life.

• Myth: It’s only for those with difficulties in their sex life.

Therapy in general can be beneficial for anyone. It’s all about self-discovery and learning how particular processes can lead to certain behaviours or patterns within your life. The same goes for sex therapy. It doesn’t have to be about just exploring difficulties within your sex life, and a big part of sex therapy is focusing on the positives and how to navigate these more often. There are also loads of people who explore sex therapy to learn new ways to enjoy sex.

• Myth: It’s just sex education.

Sex education can be part of sex therapy, this is often referred to as psychoeducation. However there is more to sex therapy than just education, and it can go deeper and more personal than sex education. Those exploring sex therapy may explore their past and upbringing in the process, or work through emotional reflexes they have that work alongside their sexual knowledge and mindset. Whilst there can be moments on educating sexual anatomy or how to maintain sexual health, sex therapy is more focused on the emotions and patterns around sex than just RSE (relationship and sex education).

• Myth: Only sex is covered in sex therapy.

It’s understandable why many people think sex therapy is just about sex, as it’s in the name. Sex therapy is more than just looking at sex and sometimes there are things like family dynamics, where managing skills come from for each individual, working through trauma that’s not related to sex and more. There’s so much covered in sex therapy, as generally, it’s the none-sexual things in life that impact an individual’s or couple’s sex life that need to be processed in sex therapy.

• Myth: Sex therapy is just for those with medical conditions that make sex hard.

In my private practice, I see many people who have preexisting health conditions which affect their sex life, however, it’s not a prerequisite for going to sex therapy. You do not need a medical reason behind why you want to attend sex therapy and many people attend sex therapy without any medical reasoning.

• Myth: Its focus is on sexual compatibility.

My goal as a sex therapist isn’t to make you more compatible sexually. It can sometimes occur in sex therapy but it’s not the main focus. In sex therapy, there’s a lot of work around differentiation and learning methods on how to navigate uncertainty.

• Myth: You don’t focus on relationship matters.

Whilst couples therapy and relationship therapy have more of a focus on relationship matters, sex therapy can also cover relationships in the sessions. Loads of couples go to sex therapy who have adventurous sex yet still don’t feel connected due to a disconnect relationally. Sex therapy can help couples become more relational and help teach generalised relationship tools that can lead to more sexual satisfaction.

• Myth: Only heterosexual couples can have sex therapy.

People from all sexual backgrounds can gain support from sex therapy. As a sex therapist, I am trained in gender, sexual, and relationship diversity (GSRD), meaning that it doesn’t matter if you’re heterosexual or fall under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella, sex therapy is a safe space for you to explore your sex life.

• Myth: Is only short-term therapy.

It can be a short-term form of therapy for some individuals and couples, however, there are some who continue going to sex therapy long-term. As individuals or couples reach their goals within sex therapy, some wish to continue and set new goals to work towards. There are times when couples or individuals use sex therapy long-term to help them keep on track with previous goals too.

• Myth: There’s always homework.

Homework activities are always optional in sex therapy and not always needed. You may like having activities set for exploring things you can’t do during therapy sessions, such as bedroom activities. During any therapy process taking a moment to reflect outside of therapy sessions can be helpful, but it’s not mandatory.

If you have questions about what you think sex therapy is or isn’t you are welcome to pop me an email at contact@nesscooper.co.uk